Thursday 4 September 2014

The Girl in the Toto Rickshaw and a Flash of Memories

Just a week ago, on a certain Sunday, I was returning from a mall a little far from my place after having a hair cut at a beauty salon. Very much like the other days, the monsoon showers had been showing their presence in full swing now and then. Rains are indeed mysterious and so the moment I stepped out of the mall, I could see and feel that a heavy shower had just stopped notwithstanding the fact that it was absolutely sunny just an hour earlier. The terrible road conditions and ongoing road construction works around the place led to quite a messy situation. Autos, rickshaws, buses and the new found toto rickshaws (a mixed breed of auto and rickshaw as perceived by me) were queuing up leading to heavy traffic. I managed to cross the road and was lucky enough to find a toto rickshaw going towards the direction where I live. I got into the vehicle in which an older woman, a young girl and a kid of 3-4 years were already sitting.

The kid seemed to be terrified and extremely worried for some reason. Her innocent and bubbly face exhibited signs of fear and it touched me instantly. From their conversation, I could soon understand that the baby was almost frightened by the water logged streets and the way the small van-like vehicle waded through the waters. I could also guess that the toto was perhaps about to topple while moving through the water-logged parts of the streets. This has instilled so much panic in the little girl that she was not being able to get rid of her fears even though now, there was no water in the streets nor was it raining any more. While the older lady made attempts at making her understand how safe she is, the younger one found this very funny, which was quite obvious of her age.

This small and rather insignificant incidence suddenly brought back a whole lot of memories as though in a flash of moment, memories of my childhood and the awkward, strange fears that I had about certain things.

As a child, I was extremely introvert to the point of avoiding the company of relatives and friends, except for a few really close ones. I was brought up largely by my grandmother and was extremely attached to her. Once, we, my father, mother and I went to a family friend’s place somewhere in Kolkata. It was a get together among the members of Rotary Club, of which my father was and still is an active member.

Although we lived quite far and had to return by taxi (we did not own a car at that time), we could not leave such gatherings before 10 PM as the dinner started not before 9 PM. It was around 8.30 when my parents were busy socializing and I was left with children of my age (8-10 roughly). The weather had been rough since the morning; however, the sky broke in heavy rain with intense thunder and lightning from around 8 PM. The inclement weather outside coupled with the anxiety about our means of getting back home troubled me immensely. I was constantly reminded of my grandmother, felt extremely bothered about the fact that she was alone and would be even more worried if we were late. Being an imaginative kid, I drew an unfavorable picture in my mind and to the surprise of everyone present in the party, I burst out crying.

The uncles and auntys’ were taken aback. My parents gauged that my tears were the results of accumulated tensions. Yet, the reason behind such a reaction was not worthy of being explained to anyone, neither by my parents nor by me. After all, who weeps due to rains and the perceived trouble in getting back home especially when you have your parents with you? The situation eased gradually but the humiliation and the awkwardness left an indelible mark in my memory.

The little girl in the toto reminded me of this and many more of such apparently ridiculous and baseless fears I had.

Today, as I proclaim myself to be an independent woman, capable of looking after myself and providing emotional support to my partner and the respective families, those situations from the past does not make me laugh but actually make me feel victorious. I have overcome not only the trivial fears and anxieties but have also adapted myself to the unpredictability of life. And I owe immensely to my father, who had taken much care to transform me from a shy, introvert girl to an outspoken, reliable lady. The transformation had been so smooth and gradual that I never felt any lack of love and care for the person that I was once upon a time. In fact, even today, I nurture that delicate, soft, insecure and vulnerable corner in my heart (which I hardly let people know about) and it is perhaps because of this that I could relate so strongly to the little girl in the toto.



Wednesday 23 July 2014

The Recipe of Marriage: From a Lay (Wo)man about to Cook!

As I complete 25 years of my age and stand at that point of life where a new beginning awaits me, I try to look ahead and question myself, Am I all set for this new responsibility? Am I capable of looking after myself, my parents, my extended family members and most of all, a person who is supposed to be my priority and with whom my life will be intricately linked henceforth? Do I understand the true meaning of marriage?

Planning to get married and being successful in choosing the right person (there is nothing as the right person though and its all subjective) has a lot of difference. Quite similarly, having an affair, spending loads of time or even being intimate is a lot different from imagining your life with someone, planning ahead for the future keeping both of your interests in mind.

Being quite an observer and rather speculative by nature, I have seen very successful marriages, the not so happy ones and even those that would make the very idea of marriage nightmarish. Well, with all my optimism about the existence of true love and lasting relationships and the insights I have gathered from here and there, I would say that marriage is worth giving a shot for sure. If it works out, you are guaranteed with a lifetime of bliss that equals to all the pleasures in the world.

I might sound immature and quite a lay (wo)man but for me, marriage is a delicious recipe, the taste of which stays only if the ingredients are all present and in right amount.

Firstly, it is better not to expect your partner to value you if you do not present yourself as being worthy of his/her love, affection and attention. So, love yourself always.

Be independent not just in terms of money but in words, thoughts and actions. Marriage, these days, is mutually inclusive which requires each partner to support the other. Be sorted out yourself so that you can give your suggestions, advice and inputs to your partner. There should be no situation in which both falls weak and nor should there be just one partner who will always have to stand strong.

Who says arranged marriages lack love? Not being biased at all and with experiences of having an affair as well as dating someone in an arranged framework, I would say that the latter is way stronger and more mature. True, love takes time but it does happen in different ways. Mental compatibility, connection, sharing, adjustments, respect, trust and a lot of other things make the union more cherished. If marriages are made in heaven and if at all love is all about actions and not expressing emotions, an arranged marriage is perhaps the perfect example.

It is often very easy to say that giving space is necessary but very difficult to execute. There are no rules to be followed and no strategies to be devised. Just remember that individuality and independence are must. Anything that curbs your growth as an individual or stops you from developing further is simply not worth having, be it a marriage or anything else.

If all these are supposed to be the ingredients of a recipe called marriage, physical attractiveness and intimacy is certainly the salt. Consistently trying to be more attractive and accommodating the likes and dislikes of your partner is just another way of self development which also adds spice to the union, allowing it to rise from the mundane to that much desired one. This is as much justifiable for men as for women as women might be less visual than men but their eyes loiter around no less. Well, spicy foods are perhaps a bit more preferred by women than men so....

Phew! Much said about marriage and stuff. Avoiding pessimism, a glaring issue of the coming of a third person in either of the partner’s life bothers many. Remember, we can get us something, treasure it, value it above everything and show it all our love. Now, whether it falls off itself or gets affected by the slightest blow of wind or a collision from outside is out of our control. Doubts and suspiciousness will never prevent this blowing off or collision from taking place.

Not all relationships in the world are supposed to last a lifetime nor are they under our control. All that we can do and must try to do is cook a recipe, the taste of which lasts long and refuses to leave the taste buds even when other recipes are available. Sounds weird perhaps but marriage is indeed the belief in the possibility of falling in love with the same person each time and all over again. (Belief in the possibility till it becomes actually possible :))

One last thing for those whose patience has been tried and tested by now, there is no age, no time, no binding to get married. Marriage is good, its important, its worth treasuring and its worth fighting for but it is not the be all and end all of life and it never will be so. Listen to your heart and wait for the right person to come..All the best folks!!!